In the Now

"mommy, you are my best mommy..i want to marry you, then i will marry a monster." This is one of the last things Coleman said tonight as we were snuggling in his bed. Of course, my heart melted then became confused at the monster part...but sense is generally lacking in most three year olds dialogue.

A couple of weeks ago, I was playing a game which the question posed was "what is something that always makes you cry?" I did not even have to think twice about it. Hands down, it is those forwarded emails written by a mother looking back at the time when her children were young and the perspective she wished she had. I literally can feel my heart when I read these. I am a feeler. I am in the moment. I am aware...at least in theory that I should be aware. I try not to look to the next thing, but to enjoy what or who is in front of me. This may have to do with being an army brat. Moving every two years, I did not have time to waste making friends. You made them and made them fast. Community was built as quickly as the house became once again our home...pictures and curtains hung within three days of arriving. Live in the now, the future will change fast.

I do struggle with contentment in many if not most areas of my life. It is also a daily, hourly, actually minute by minute mental decision to just be with my kids. However, I can say that I really can't see how life can get any better than it is now. My friend Sarah and I were talking of this the other day. Yes, life is CRAZY and I am constantly having to repent of how I am sinning against my children (that's another post...or book:) and more often than not I feel that my goal is controlled chaos not eliminating chaos and I am the insane lady in the middle yelling at everything in my path...but man, it is just as sweet as it is crazy.

I know these boys wont be cuddling with me for long, or telling me I am their best mommy...or really just wanting to talk to me. I know there will be a day when they care about someone elses opinion above mine, and wont share their hearts with me, or be so excited to spend the day together, ask me to come play pirates with them, help them put on costumes (20x a day), read books to them, fight over who gets to sit on mommy's lap, ask me what I've been eating when we cuddle because our faces are so close together. There will be a day when they will know what they are doing tomorrow apart from my telling them, when they will be able to fall asleep without our goodnight routine, when they will color a picture, put together a puzzle, and do a wheelie on their bike without even thinking to tell me about it.
There will also be a day when they will be able to understand the longing we all have to be cared for, to feel safe, to feel deeply loved in the mundane everyday minutes of just being. I still remember the feeling of my dad carrying me to bed, and I still long for that sense of safety of someone always aware and engaged, that sense of being at home. However, I now understand this longing is not contained in just my heart, it is beyond me. It is the longing of all of us to be loved completely, to be absolutely delighted in and for a home that makes us long no more. Perspective allows me to see my desire for my boys to know how delighted they are not just to us, but to HIM as well.

Christmas Pictures

 

 

 

 

Some more of our vacation...and no, for those of you who know my view of animals...the humor was not wasted when my boys decided they loved and wanted that cat.

Christmas Pictures

Now that it is practically Easter, here are some Christmas pictures. We were in San Antonio with my family. Jessica gave the boys these great airplanes from the amazing store she works at in houston. They loved them. My cousin came with his two boys as well. They loved playing with their "cousins."

Nature Museum

Another dreary day. We decided to head out to the nature museum. We had not been there in many months, so I knew the boys would have fun. All morning the boys talked about how excited they were to go. I had to wake up Porter from his morning nap to give us enough time there. We drove in the pouring rain and arrive. It was not crowded at all which was perfect since my boys usually require alot of space. We had been there no less than five minutes when Porter needed a diaper change. We all four go to the bathroom and he has pooped all over his pants and onesie. With Keller, I of course, would have had several extra outfits to chose from, I was lucky to even have a wipe with Porter. I get him cleaned, we go out to the water area, and he throws up....it was not projectile throw up just a bit, in fact I convinced myself it was mere spit-up. There was no way I was going to leave and have to deal with the boys screams of going home. Plus, I was able to hold Porter most of the time so he stayed clear of mouthing objects. The boys discovered the butterfly room- an atrium which is warm, calm and full of butterflies. They LOVED it in there. I tried to explain the warmth was to replicate a tropical forest or jungle. As I was attempting to draw attention to the butterflies, they start screaming that they are jungle men and suddenly (not kidding, at the same time) start singing as loud as they can "welcome to the jungle, we got fun and games, live like an animal...nananananan....I WANNA HEAR YOU SCREAM!!!"

My sister taught them that Guns-n-roses song over Christmas and thought it was hilarious when they would sing it, which of course, only prompted them all the more.

I really could not stop laughing at this point...butterflies just can't compete with Axel Rose.

Picky, Picky

We had a wonderful Christmas vacation. After a week in Texas, we flew back on a friday and left that Saturday to Greenville, SC to see Jeremys brother Andy, his wife Kim and Grandpa and Lulu-who made the long DRIVE from Dallas. Saturday morning, Jeremy's other brother Matt, his wife Babe, and their kids were driving from Greenville back to Ohio where they live. Since we missed them during the visit, we decided to meet at a Chic-fil-a in Gastonio. There we hear the story of their boys Isaac (7 1/2) and Ian (4 1/2) playing with silly puddy and throwing it on a wall in Kim and Andy's house. Now, the thing about Kim and Andy's house is twofold.
1. It is NEW (clean) 2. there are no kids (though this will change this summer:)

So Uncle Andy walks in sees the greasy marks left on the walls from the boys throwing the puddy and...well is not too happy about it. The story told from Kim's viewpoint was even better....I believe there may have been a quote along the lines of "did you WANT to ruin walls????!!!!"

So we all got a good laugh at this. Luckily, I am a seasoned enough parent to NOT think "my kid would never....."

We arrive in Greenville, love their new new clean clean place and get settled in.

Naptime. I tell Keller goodnight, close his door, go downstairs. A couple of hours later, I go upstairs and enter the bathroom my family is sharing. I see a NEW CLEAN soft white bathmat....with a huge brown stain smack dab in the middle. Keller, apparantly, used the potty, wiped with not alot of passion, then sat down on the rug to put his underwear on...leaving a nice reminder of where his butt had been. With the story of Isaac and Ian running through my head, I descend the stairs with shame to tell of yet another kid stain in the house....oh and did I mention they just moved into this house? New paint, new walls, new EVERYTHING...and now will need another new bathmat.

Fastforward to bedtime. Jeremy and I are putting the boys down, Jeremy is singing to them then stops mid-song...

"WHAT IS THAT??? KELLER!!!"
We all look to see the offense.

"IS THAT A BOOGER!!!!"

keller "yes."

Keller in desperation during his nap, could think of no better place for his booger to live than on the new walls at Uncle Andy's house. Jeremy, in desperation to scrape it off, not only removes paint but part of the wall as well.

I was mortified. Keller apologized "I am sorry I put my bugga on de wall uncle andy"
Andy and Kim were counting down the minutes until we left.

The White Boys Christmas Pagent

This is what I overheard this morning:

K "Coleman, let's play the christmas story."
oohhh how sweet, usually they only act out the bible stories that involve some sort of fight
C "I want to be a soldier."
K "There are no soldiers in the Christmas story!"
C "BUT I WANT TO BE A SOLDIER!!!"
K "you CANT!"
C "ok, i'll be a shepherd-soldier-with-an-ax."
hmmm dont recall that character.
K "ok"

This should have been my first clue that this was not going to be the typical Bethleham, birth of our saviour story.

K "I"m King Herod. Come kill me!"
K "Dont REALLY ax me, just pretend ax me!"

They then proceed to alternate between the roles of Herod and the soldier-shepherd-killer-with-an-ax parts. My presence was requested upon each killing, where I would witness "Herod" slayed on the couch with his eyes closed.

I think this version may be somewhere in Luke, but I cant recall....

boys in the hood

When people find out I am the mom of all boys, I usually get a reaction like "Wow,it must be wild in your house," or "Bless your heart," or (the most annoying) "when are you going to try for your girl?" While I would have loved to have the experience of a daughter, I would not trade these boys for anything. I LOVE having three boys. It awes me to think that God knows exactly which children we need, when we need them, and how their role will add to our family dynamic. He also knew that I needed a best friend with all boys as well...thank you Sarah Pay. Since Sarah and I do daily life together, I really only know boys. I have heard about girls sitting and playing and not climbing and wrestling with each other, but those concepts are so not my reality. It is probably good to be so immersed in chaos that you don't realize how chaotic life is. I try to (as Jane says) find joy even in the mess.
So here is a glimpse into my all boy world:



*I am constantly locating various "weapons" for them in the form of swords, daggers, pole ax,spear or a gun.
*I get tied up with the ropes they love to carry around- they must capture me because I am the mean witch
*I also get to play the role of Wendy from Peter Pan, Snow White, or Dorothy...however they seem to prefer me as a witch...hmmmmmm
*there is no such thing as still
*a loud thump and then a crash is fine as long as it is not followed by crying...it is just them jumping off their beds to escape the bad guys. If they are crying at least that means they are breathing, if they are breathing, they are alive.
*it is common place for them both to descend the stairs on their bellies head first since they are army rangers
*anytime we go somewhere new, they are usually already climbing on something before I can tell them to stop
*there is no such thing still
*art projects last 2-3 minutes (unless i am 100% involved) and usually ends up more on them than the paper
*rainy days are just from the devil
*while reading books ALL characters must be defined as good guys or bad guys,mean guys or nice guys or mean-guys-nice-guys (mean in battle, nice in life)...it takes awhile to get through books
*I get questions like "mommy, are you a backhoe?" (from coleman) or "mommy, did you know I'm Blackbeard (the pirate) but I turned nice"
*they think I'm pretty
*there is no such thing as still
*i can appropriately name construction equipment, pirates,knights and an occasional weapon
*conversational speech is 50 decibels above an average voice
*making cookies always ends up with them running off with their new weapons (my spatulas)
*they already think it is funny to talk about farting...seriously!!!

I'll end with a quote from my sister upon hearing that Porter was a boy
"Lindsay, you will have rooms in your house that will smell like microwave popcorn, only it wont be popcorn, it will be boy feet."

The better to hear you with my dear....

Things heard in my household


"moooooooooooooooommmmmy I have POOOP on my haaaaaaaaaaands!"
me: Keller, what happened?
K: Mommy, you would NOT believe it...it was just SO SO big."

"Coleman, you arent a girl, don't flee to the village, fight the giant with me!"
(Keller to C acting out their latest favorite book)

They were watching a 1970's cartoon version of The Lion, Witch and the Wardrobe. (which is great). Here are some of my favorite White boy quotes:

(Coleman)
"Mommy, that's me, the beaver, but not the one holding her boobs" hmmmmm must have missed that scene????

(Keller)
"Mommy, I am SO brave that I would touch the White Witches LIPS!"
"Mommy, I am a mean-guy-nice-guy, I am nice most of the time, but i am mean in battle!"

Colemans response when I ask him to come downstairs
"Hold on, I am tying my leg up!"
He emerges wearing only tighty whities and a belt tied on his leg, which he told me
"Do you know why I am tied up? Because I stepped on the airplane"
Refering to last week when I caught him stepping on this airplane we have, I asked him to stop and no, did NOT tie him up as punishment....he continued to wear the belt on his leg most of the day. No grace for himself.

big brother/little brother

 

 

Dexter and Porter
Bradley and Keller

You can definitely tell which brother belongs to which. I cant believe it has been 4 years since the picture of Bradley and Keller. I remember telling Sarah how it will be crazy that they will be able to have a conversation with each other one day, now it is crazy to think of them having a conversation that does not involve yelling, pirates, costumes, swords or whining....

Rope Swing

 
 
 
 
These pics were taken at the beginning of the fall. We had just completed our "art" which started out as finger painting and ended up as body paint....the boys then tried to both swing at the same time on the rope swing, and had a ball...this was an isolated event. Other attempts at dual swinging have only led to fighting...it was so sweet to watch while it lasted.

Bang Bang Bang...on the door baby

There are not many things I am impulsive about...eating dark chocolate, going to Goodwill, and (unfortunately) giving haircuts. For those who know me well, you also know that attention to detail, is not my strength (ie:painting trim, etc) so my giving haircuts is more due to a financial default than any innate talent within. I cut my boys hair (which if you look closely will not surprise you in the least). Each time I do something different and really take a Jackson Pollock approach to their locks. When it is their turn, they plead (without fail) "MOMMY DON'T CUT MY HEAD OFF!!!!" ...so anyways, tonight I was sitting on the couch w all my four boys watching football (is that stereotypical all boy household or what?) when I decided that i NEEDED a new look at THAT moment...well, who else to fix this but yours truly. So when Coleman asked me to fetch his green gloves (his latest fashion statement) I used this an excuse to head upstairs for a new do...I cut and cut and cut and really should have stopped while i was ahead (no pun intended). When the words "scout finch" popped into my head (if you've seen the movie, you know what i mean), I knew I was the equivalent of the two year old girl who found scissors and voila- bangs. As I am making my descent, I have the thought that perhaps, it's not so bad, and I wont say anything, just see what happens.Immediately Jeremy begins laughing and can not stop. This is from a man who during our first year of courtship, did not notice that i lived in a mint green house. After catching his breath, his first words are "maybe Sarah can fix this." Sarah can fix ALOT of things, but I think even this is beyond her talents....so anyone who sees me in the next three weeks...in order to avoid a short-bang-lesbian look, I will be sporting a headband until my bangs grow to an appropriately length to display....and who dyed my hair black?

Mean Mommy

These are the reasons why my boys think I have been mean today:

*I would not let Coleman use a belt w a metal buckle as a whip
*I would not let Keller use a broken swiffer mop w a serrated metal edge as a spear
*I refused to let them eat Whoppers and Kit Kats for breakfast
*I insisted that they eat their sandwiches before having more goldfish and cinnamon crackers
*I only let them listen to the song "thumbellina thumbellina worlds smallest girl" two times not the continual repeat they requested
* I would not pause from making lunch for them, lunch for Porter(who was screaming), and cookies (all at the same time) to read Keller the complete works of William Shakespeare- a book which he found interesting because of the drawings of the knights
*I would not let them jump on my bed after I made it....AND after we had already had a jumping-on-the-bed session before I made it.
*I put a stop to the transfer of bedding from their room to the playroom. They were both halfway down the stairs with both the fitted sheets and flat sheets and pillows from their beds...heading toward the playroom. (of note: it was 5 min before naps at this point, so you can imagine how excited I was to have to remake both beds)

Can you believe how mean I am? I am certain this morning would have gone much smoother had I let them have their way....there's always tomorrow. Perhaps I'll just prop my feed up, eat bon bons, and respond with " yes, that is great"

Sanctuary

Five years ago, had you been a guest in my house, it would have been very odd to have something lying on the floor, blocking your path from one room to another. Since becoming a parent,it is commonplace. I now think nothing of the fact that I spend most of my day dodging cowboy boots, trucks, magnets, blankies, and other various items as I walk from room to room. Yes, I suppose I could squat, pick them up and kill two birds with one stone (tone buttocks and cleaner floor), however that is really not practical. There is no point in attempting any type of cleaning from the knee level down before naps. I decided to photo a typical path (from the playroom to the boys room) and here is what my feet ran into.

This is why my living room brings me such joy. It is clean (at least from far away) and toys dont live here. My heart does a little leap each time I go up my dirty stairs from my toy induced kitchen to the hurricane boys room and glance to the right...ahhhh clean. untouched. pretty.

A first

This morning I asked Jeremy to put Porter in some clothes. As Jeremy is dressing our 14 week old, this is what he tells me
"This is the first time I have dressed him since he's been born."
We both laugh at this truth as this poor child has spent 90%of his life in just a diaper. I guess I am too practical: he is hot natured, he spits up, and when I swaddle him for sleeping, he only needs a diaper on anyways. I thought once I left camp, I would be motivated to dress him more, but no....plus, being the third child, especially third boy...i am completely over anything blue with a car on it.

we have been playing musical beds in our house since Keller got his tonsils and adenoids taken out a week ago. Nights and naps always find one boy or another in my bed, mine in theirs, and perhaps an adult on the couch trying to get a sacred three hours of sleep in a row. On this particular afternoon, I decided to try Coleman napping in our room, Keller in the room he and Coleman share, and Porter in the crib.
Keller immediately fell asleep, Coleman (who is my best sleeper at present) was not too excited about napping in mommy and daddy's room, but I tried my best to make it seem really fun. About 45 minutes after I put him down, I go to check on him. I open the door, the bedside lamp was turned on and the time on the clock was changed and Coleman was sitting upright in bed, looking suprised that I had inturrupted his wake time. I asked him what he is doing awake, he tells me "I didnt see the number seven (the boys know they cant get out of bed in the morning until they see the number seven). I remind him that he has no idea what a number seven looks like to which he replies "yes, but I did not see the number seven!"
He then begins to fix the pillows to make room for me to sit up with him and tells me we need to have a talk.

"what about, coleman?"
"Mommy, tell me about your day at the park, how is Porter doing?"
"He's good...why arent you sleeping?"
"Because I have a tennis ball" -which actually does appear in his hands from the depths of the covers...."and a football"...again, produces this as well.
At this point I am laughing too hard to even attempt a nap with him, so Porter and I join him.

A storm is coming as I sit in our sunroom of our camp house, the "walled off." This is the saddest day of camp for me. The day when cleaning and leaving are the only tasks to do. Though our house is not in the center of campus, I can sense when the staff have gone...camp is just not camp without them. It is too quiet-not even my boys can make up for the lack of noise. Keller previously wanted to stay here forever, until he realized he'd be stuck with just us. After lunch today, when seeing all the staff leave, he told me he was ready to go to Charlotte.

This has been my favorite summer since we have been coming four years ago. Seeing how much joy Keller and Coleman get from being in this environment brings me such happiness.The sacrifices we make for doing this job are huge, but I gain such perspective here during the summer. Friends- please remind me of this during the rest of the year. God's hand has been evident this summer as I've watched staff understand the gospel and their fixed identity in Christ, seen kids excited about Chapel and what they are learning about God's love for them-in spite of what they do, and in my own life becoming more excited about the ministry that God has called Jeremy and me to. I love being a part of something that so many I am close to love and have been impacted by. What a great God we serve!

ziplining

Does it get cuter than this? Bradley came up for the third annual zipline. They both did great! Sarah and I continue to be impressed that they still do this without fear....I on the other hand, had a racing heart and lost my stomache twice on the ride.

Cute story: Getting Keller ready for his nap, I turn the light off and turn his sound machine on (like I have done for the past four years). He suddenly asks me, what is on his sound machine. Our conversation continues like this:

Me: it's called whitenoise

Keller: I dont want to hear whitenoise

Me: so, you want your sound machine off?

Keller: no, i want it on, i just dont want whitenoise.

Me: so, you want a different setting on your soundmachine?

Keller: no, i want it the same, i just dont want to hear whitenoise.

Me: (confused) ok.

I walk out the door, he sleeps.

A couple of days later :

Keller: I heard daddy sneeze last night

Me: What else do you hear from your room? Do you hear us talking?

Keller: Yes, I hear whitenoise

Me: (ahhh haaa......Whitenoise, not whitenoise) Keller, what do you hear if you hear Sarah and Joe (Pay) talking?

Keller: Paynoise.

Hey Porter...hey Porter

I realized poor Porter has not even made his appearance on the blog yet...not that he would mind. He is perfectly happy being held all day long:) He gets alot of attention from the campers...usually a "ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo a baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaby" from a group of girls cabins. Followed by "Can I touch him?" Followed by a quick "NO"

Random fun

Luckily plastic noise toys, are very uninteresting to my boys during the summer. 90% of our day is spent outside and the few toys I do bring for rainy days, usually go unplayed with. Last week, only confirmed my need for a toyless summer. A staff member had to borrow one of our twin mattresses for a week, once returned it leaned up against our wall in the living room for a couple of days (hey, at least it was off the front porch:). Keller got the brilliant idea to place it at the edge of the couch, then jump from the couch onto the mattress. The boys had a BLAST doing this. No fighting just jumping. Lindsay (the "nanny")who has more sense than I, moved the mattress into the playroom where it still resides two weeks later...I actually had the thought "am I tacky enough to keep a mattress in our playroom in Charlotte?" I draw the line there...but for now, it has not lost its grandeur and also doubles as a wrestling mat.

Why I Love Camp Lurecrest

We have been here just over a month, and I am in no hurry to return to city life. Yesterday Keller ran over to me and said "i want to live here forever...," while I dont quite share that sentiment, I wanted to list a few reasons why I love camp....

*I dont cook: meals are at the dining hall. While this offers a less than healthy options for my family, I am willing to sacrifice for a break from the oven,stove, and of course...the dishes
*I dont drive: walking the hills pushing the double jogger is the easiest way to exercise without actually exercising
*No buckling carseats while hot: nothing makes me foul like hot humid weather and trying to get three little kids in carseats. when we do drive, we do it 70's and
80's style: carseat free. the boys sit on the floor or in the extra seat
*No need to wear anything involving any type of waisteband except elastic: dont think I need to expand this thought given that I just gave birth 10 weeks ago
*Porter only wears his diaper and I dont think twice. It will be strange to see him in clothes once we return to Charlotte
*Rocks and dirt and woods provide endless entertainment for the boys
*The boys are exposed to great people and teachings at Chapel

and of course the number one reason why I love camp...Lindsay York...who is she you may ask..."the nanny"
seriously, having full time help is lifechanging! This fall will be quite an adjustment for me. She went to the beach today and Coleman kept asking "who is going to be our nanny today?" As if he cant handle one day without a nanny. Then he looked at me and said "you can be our nanny, mommy!" Thanks, Coleman, if my memory serves me right, I do believe I signed up for that about 4 years ago.

I'll post pictures soon.
Also, for you readers out there ( since i do have a nanny:) i actually am able to read while nursing porter (i know, crazy!)
so here's what i've read so far...recommend all of them)

Mao's Last Dancer
What is the What
You'll Never Nanny in this Town Again (if you want to feel like a good mom, read this)