When cute kids get awkward

I have always loved the word "awkward" because it really is so awkward to spell. How fitting.
I have also always loved how "awkward" my kids look in goggles...actually most kids I guess but in particular the boys look ultra-awkward because it is the only swim gear they are sporting.

Speaking of awkward. Junior high boys. I must confess when I see boys in this stage, I sort of have a gross feeling in my stomach and cringe. I think "gross boy feet." I just cant believe these sweet feet that I can fit in my mouth, will one day induce vomiting with the mere sight of them. All the more reason to try to savor the now.

In the Now

"mommy, you are my best mommy..i want to marry you, then i will marry a monster." This is one of the last things Coleman said tonight as we were snuggling in his bed. Of course, my heart melted then became confused at the monster part...but sense is generally lacking in most three year olds dialogue.

A couple of weeks ago, I was playing a game which the question posed was "what is something that always makes you cry?" I did not even have to think twice about it. Hands down, it is those forwarded emails written by a mother looking back at the time when her children were young and the perspective she wished she had. I literally can feel my heart when I read these. I am a feeler. I am in the moment. I am aware...at least in theory that I should be aware. I try not to look to the next thing, but to enjoy what or who is in front of me. This may have to do with being an army brat. Moving every two years, I did not have time to waste making friends. You made them and made them fast. Community was built as quickly as the house became once again our home...pictures and curtains hung within three days of arriving. Live in the now, the future will change fast.

I do struggle with contentment in many if not most areas of my life. It is also a daily, hourly, actually minute by minute mental decision to just be with my kids. However, I can say that I really can't see how life can get any better than it is now. My friend Sarah and I were talking of this the other day. Yes, life is CRAZY and I am constantly having to repent of how I am sinning against my children (that's another post...or book:) and more often than not I feel that my goal is controlled chaos not eliminating chaos and I am the insane lady in the middle yelling at everything in my path...but man, it is just as sweet as it is crazy.

I know these boys wont be cuddling with me for long, or telling me I am their best mommy...or really just wanting to talk to me. I know there will be a day when they care about someone elses opinion above mine, and wont share their hearts with me, or be so excited to spend the day together, ask me to come play pirates with them, help them put on costumes (20x a day), read books to them, fight over who gets to sit on mommy's lap, ask me what I've been eating when we cuddle because our faces are so close together. There will be a day when they will know what they are doing tomorrow apart from my telling them, when they will be able to fall asleep without our goodnight routine, when they will color a picture, put together a puzzle, and do a wheelie on their bike without even thinking to tell me about it.
There will also be a day when they will be able to understand the longing we all have to be cared for, to feel safe, to feel deeply loved in the mundane everyday minutes of just being. I still remember the feeling of my dad carrying me to bed, and I still long for that sense of safety of someone always aware and engaged, that sense of being at home. However, I now understand this longing is not contained in just my heart, it is beyond me. It is the longing of all of us to be loved completely, to be absolutely delighted in and for a home that makes us long no more. Perspective allows me to see my desire for my boys to know how delighted they are not just to us, but to HIM as well.

Christmas Pictures

 

 

 

 

Some more of our vacation...and no, for those of you who know my view of animals...the humor was not wasted when my boys decided they loved and wanted that cat.

Christmas Pictures

Now that it is practically Easter, here are some Christmas pictures. We were in San Antonio with my family. Jessica gave the boys these great airplanes from the amazing store she works at in houston. They loved them. My cousin came with his two boys as well. They loved playing with their "cousins."

Nature Museum

Another dreary day. We decided to head out to the nature museum. We had not been there in many months, so I knew the boys would have fun. All morning the boys talked about how excited they were to go. I had to wake up Porter from his morning nap to give us enough time there. We drove in the pouring rain and arrive. It was not crowded at all which was perfect since my boys usually require alot of space. We had been there no less than five minutes when Porter needed a diaper change. We all four go to the bathroom and he has pooped all over his pants and onesie. With Keller, I of course, would have had several extra outfits to chose from, I was lucky to even have a wipe with Porter. I get him cleaned, we go out to the water area, and he throws up....it was not projectile throw up just a bit, in fact I convinced myself it was mere spit-up. There was no way I was going to leave and have to deal with the boys screams of going home. Plus, I was able to hold Porter most of the time so he stayed clear of mouthing objects. The boys discovered the butterfly room- an atrium which is warm, calm and full of butterflies. They LOVED it in there. I tried to explain the warmth was to replicate a tropical forest or jungle. As I was attempting to draw attention to the butterflies, they start screaming that they are jungle men and suddenly (not kidding, at the same time) start singing as loud as they can "welcome to the jungle, we got fun and games, live like an animal...nananananan....I WANNA HEAR YOU SCREAM!!!"

My sister taught them that Guns-n-roses song over Christmas and thought it was hilarious when they would sing it, which of course, only prompted them all the more.

I really could not stop laughing at this point...butterflies just can't compete with Axel Rose.