there but for the grace of Him

i am aware. aware of my own mess. aware that i will not be the perfect parent. aware that there is no perfect parent and perfection should not be a goal. aware that there will be issues that i will instill in my children that will cause them pain. who can save me from this wretchedness? praise be to God!...i had a friend who is pregnant w her first child ask me to jot down tips or any advice i could give her about parenting. the only thing that i could think of was that having children is like having a mirror lifted up and constantly exposing parts of you that were previously dormant. children will bring out both your best and your worst. revealing the amazing capacity you have for love and the amazing capacity you have for sin. children (like marriage) are a vehicle of redemption. i did not know i was angry until i had kids. It was revealed in my "mirror". I know that God can redeem this in me but man, being exposed hurts. it is much easier to continue to live in the denial of our own sinfulness and hurt in this world. but freedom does not exist there. redemption does not exist there and relationship as we long for does not exist there. i believe one of the best gifts i can give my children is my own sense of self. That ultimately i am more sinful than i dared believed, yet more loved than i dared hope and we are a part of something much bigger than ourselves. so why am i writing this for anyone and everyone to read? honestly, i dont know. it is just one of those thoughtful days....

i'll try for a funny story later on :) or at least some cute pics of the boys